I Dont Want You to Know That You Have Got Such a Hold on Me
Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and nearly of our worst ideas.
Null proficient can come up of this. Photograph by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout man history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a tune that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that fourth dimension you told that girl yous just started seeing that you would "grab a grenade" for her? You did that considering of a dearest song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It'due south but, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That fourth dimension yous held that boom box over your head exterior your ex's business firm? You did that because of a love song. And 50 hours of community service later, you're still not back together.
Love songs are groovy. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire united states to have risks and put our feelings on the line. And they requite us terrible, terrible ideas nigh how actual, real-life human relationships should work.
They're amazing. So astonishing. And as well terrible.
Here are half-dozen love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't audio romantic but totally is:
1. "God Simply Knows," by The Beach Boys
You can continue your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Assistance me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Merely Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and informal melody. A tie-dye swirl of audio. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics e'er committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
I may non e'er love you
But long as there are stars above you
You lot never need to doubtfulness information technology
I'll make you and then sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, yous should really stop and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball cyberspace and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to rethink the choices that got yous to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photograph by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that just feels similar love. Pure dearest. Young honey. Dearest with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could be incorrect with that?
Here's why information technology's really actually, actually unromantic:
There'southward null wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their pilus as they autumn asleep while you whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
Just in that location is such a thing every bit loving someone a skosh besides much.
If you should always leave me
Though life would notwithstanding go on believe me
The world could bear witness zippo to me
So what good would living do me?
Look, I go it. Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. But good God.
There's a huge difference betwixt saying: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And proverb: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'm only gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call information technology a life."
But that'due south pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God just knows what I'd be without you
...horror-picture show creepy. Because the reply, plainly, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That's not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology'due south a grade of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any relationship — one that, by definition, might one twenty-four hours stop — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Certain, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you accept, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Yes! Hell aye! What was her name again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
I person cannot exist anyone'due south be-all and end-all. It'southward besides stressful. And information technology prevents you from doing you lot, which is a thing that'due south gotta be done before y'all can do anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
two. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. Only, we don't accept Michael Jackson anymore, and equally tribute acts become, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Here'southward why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Honey, you lot're my gold star
Yous know yous tin can make my wish come up true
If you allow me treasure yous
If y'all allow me treasure yous
Laissez passer those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-course make-out party and y'all'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to natural language-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, appointment night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-nonetheless-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will think y'all're weird — but probably all the same make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'1000 OK with that.
But, here's why "Treasure" isn't every bit romantic as it seems:
Everything most "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes almost gender.
"Children, have I always told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the beginning time we met?" Photograph by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things start to become south correct from the very beginning:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell you lot a little something about yourself
Ah yes. Goose egg screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a foreign adult female on the street well-nigh something she "doesn't know nearly herself."
What could it be? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she'due south got something in her teeth? Could information technology be that her nonfiction book about early modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thank you for education me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
Only you walk around here like you lot wanna exist someone else
Oh. Information technology's that she'southward sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Give-and-take of communication? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she'southward sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't bear upon her day-to-day so much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).
Then what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to exist someone else! I call back being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good style to spend a three-day weekend.
Sure, there'd be an aligning period... Photograph by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.
And and so later on, of grade, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty daughter, pretty girl, y'all should be smiling
A daughter similar yous should never look then bluish.
He respects her so much, he'due south actually straight-up telling her to grinning! Much like Mars' grapheme "Uptown Funk," who appears to become off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Aye, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange woman and said woman being and then totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sexual activity."
He and so proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the earth's creepiest pirate:
You lot are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
Yous are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you lot, you are
Yous are my treasure, yous are my treasure
You are my treasure, aye, you lot, you, yous, y'all are
By this betoken, in his listen, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could exist worse, though. At to the lowest degree she's non merely any thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
three. "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans accept been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwardly with each other. And "Don't Call back Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people similar. Photo past William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here'due south why information technology sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, infant
Fifty-fifty you lot don't know by now
And it ain't no utilise to sit and wonder why, infant
Information technology'll never exercise somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll be gone
You lot're the reason I'thousand a-traveling on
But don't think twice, it's all correct.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.
"Don't Recollect Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'southward the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her fellow left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to exit her banking concern-teller task, load her iv Australian shepherds into the van, and open a current of air chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your loftier school band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are y'all looking for?" Photograph by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it's most the end of a relationship, but information technology sounds romantic. And at the finish of the 24-hour interval, shouldn't that be plenty?
Here's why it's actually sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships cease. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to call it quits with someone, when the grit settles, both parties can certainly do good from a difficult, honest word nearly what went wrong.
It'due south not me, Joan. It's you. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "Information technology's your fault."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Recollect Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my heart, simply she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Infant, I merely have and so much unspecified honey to give," and she's like, "Take out the trash!" And yous're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be plenty?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the canis familiaris, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the calendar week. All I need you to practice is accept out the trash." And you're like, "You're bumming me out. I'one thousand gonna get play guitar." And and so she gets all mad! What did you lot do? Why is she trying to alter you? UGH!
Y'all could have done better, but I don't heed
Yes. Yous do listen! Y'all mind! You wrote a song nearly information technology, you passive-aggressive prick.
Y'all just kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yep. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Think nearly all the hours you wasted plumbing the sea-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could have been futzing around with that home-brew kit.
Yeah, this was worth information technology. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you first breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sis's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and at present might exist in jail. Similar your aunt'due south wind chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Similar your friend'southward cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"Yous kids want a beer? No ane'south under xiii, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song's narrator also point-blank refers woman he'due south leaving every bit:
A kid, I'm told
That's right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's likewise peradventure a pedophile.
Even if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she'south not actually a child — which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects style more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking upward with anyone in such a brutal, dismissive manner is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the point.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk vocal about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo past Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here'southward why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.
'Cause I'yard leavin' on a jet plane
To a modernistic ear, this would be sort of similar singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer military camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I hate to go
You encounter — he hates to get! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells u.s.a. he hates information technology. And why would he hate to get if he didn't love his partner just that much?
See ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here's why information technology's actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can only distract then much from the fact that the song'southward main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates existence away all that much:
In that location'due south so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played effectually
I tell you now, they don't hateful a thing
"Babe, I hope! All the movies I watched lonely while y'all were domicile nursing the quadruplets. All the times I tuckered our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sexual practice I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practice! Actually fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I just finished having sex activity with someone else in." Photograph via iStock.
Yes, when you break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to honey overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'southward "good" despite all bear witness to the reverse.
And for all he claims to be broken upwards about having to part from his 1 and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are you lot Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad you were forced to choke downward equally you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious gamble?
"Life and so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photograph by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll recall of you lot
Ev'ry vocal I sing, I'll sing for you lot
Ah cool. He'll recollect near her while strumming and making "my beloved is delicate as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad educatee in the front end row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
And so he demands:
Then kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to exist a grade-A sleaze who tin can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here's the kicker:
When I come up back, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and just been a general screwup and disappointment.
But aye. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you wait upward "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this vocal.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph by Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, information technology plays you the very beginning line.
Hither's why it sound very romantic:
When a human being loves a woman
Sure, you can write the lyrics downwards, merely it doesn't even come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The succulent, succulent pain-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Woman
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It'southward an elemental lyric.
Information technology'due south a heart-shattering lyric.
Information technology'due south a lyric that demands you lot put your back into it.
It's perfection.
Equally long as you don't keep listening.
Hither'southward why the vocal is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," nosotros know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the fashion
Information technology ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Support. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will dice of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his dorsum on his all-time friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A man tin't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a human being's whole support system erodes out from nether him, a human volition exist bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man'due south mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to agree on to your heartless love
Baby, please don't care for me bad.
This is not what happens "when a human loves a woman." Information technology's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative adult female. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, but loves a woman. Herself.
"It's Chris or me." Photograph by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not salubrious.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.
(Side annotation: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than than one fashion for a human to dear a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Mayhap they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress upwardly in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no 1-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There'due south more than one way to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
It doesn't matter if it's the correct metaphor, as long equally it'south a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You lot tin can do this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.
half dozen. "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to You," Heart
Honestly, Center could sing a list of the nearly popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'southward All-time Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me desire to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. You should always be listening to information technology. If y'all're non listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. Information technology's just that important.
I am singing the phone book. Y'all are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo past FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. So much pain. So much hair.
Here'south why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring tune, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson evangelize a primal tribute to the one truthful romantic fantasy shared past every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly bonny homo for 1 night of heed-blowing sex and then releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite as compellingly ever again.
They sing:
It was a rainy dark when he came into sight
Standing by the route, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled upwards alongside and I offered him a ride
He accustomed with a smile then we drove for a while
I don't take to become on because you know what happens side by side, and it's crawly.
"I but sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photograph by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, here'due south why this song is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Exercise" seems too good to be true. And it is. Because it's not an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.
It's a...
It'southward a...
Well. Y'all know what it is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his proper name, this solitary boy in the rain
Fate, tell me information technology'due south right, is this honey at first sight?
Sure, many of united states might hesitate to pick up a foreign leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the route for a no-strings-fastened screw, just our narrator simply has a feeling nigh this guy, and sometimes, y'all gotta go with your gut.
I tin can respect that.
We made magic that night
He did everything right
Great! Seems like it was a good determination. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
Just so, without warning, the song starts to audio less like an all-fourth dimension cracking romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other equally they vape around a bivouac:
I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't endeavor to notice me, delight don't you cartel
Just live in my memory, you'll ever be there"
I'm not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "blossom," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly hateful wildly different things in the context of homo reproduction than they have since sex was outset invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
Hello! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You lot might be tempted to think, "Maybe Eye meant something else past that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
Then information technology happened ane solar day
We came circular the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
There are two possibilities hither.
One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years ago:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.
I said, "Please, please empathize
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'm in honey with some other human being
Cool, and so this all makes sense and is in no style the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one just two lives.
And what he couldn't requite me, oh, no
Was the one little thing that you tin can"
A Human being LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Human LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best you can say about that is that information technology's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should accept been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... it's not cute. It's not romantic (fifty-fifty the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the mean solar day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow non the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is maxim something.
But there is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable runway in a sea of problematic faves.
A song that does everything correct.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership congenital to last.
A song that can double every bit a manual for the platonic human romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why yous might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (50) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo past Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
As tricky as "Processed Shop" is, every bit fun it is to dance to, and equally cathartic as information technology tin be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.one thousand., in that location's no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:
I'll take you to the candy store
I'll let yous lick the lollipop
I'll post that again, in example you lot missed some of the nuance:
I'll take y'all to the candy shop
I'll allow you lick the lollipop
Mode to take 1 for the squad, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At start glance, "Processed Shop" is nobody'south idea of a archetype love vocal.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The vanquish is kinda bones. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When information technology does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Similar watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's non a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It'southward non a vocal yous'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'southward certainly not a song yous'd include on the video photo montage you fabricated for your grandparents' argent anniversary.
It's simply not.
Simply it should be.
Then here it is. Here's why "Candy Store" past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You lot wanna dorsum that thing upward or should I push up on information technology? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass pulsate hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's merely been 20 seconds, and y'all're already getting prepare to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But and then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the form of a female voice joining the runway, cutting through the din like a clarion phone call.
She sings:
I'll have yous to the candy store (aye)
Boy, one gustation of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you lot spendin' all you got (come up on)
Keep going 'til yous hitting the spot, whoa
It's common! It'south common! They're performing oral sexual practice on each other!
Band the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Become, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not exist the world's greatest partner — for case, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
Merely the narrator of "Candy Store"? He gets it:
You could have information technology your way, how practice you lot desire it?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Merely Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Practise is Make Love to You," ("I'k going to pull a fast one on y'all into knocking me upwards!") — the "Candy Store" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the globe of popular music, is good for about l,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to practice information technology? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
It'south whatever y'all're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching you lot 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... believing about his desires.
But hither'south the key matter: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She'southward conspicuously into information technology. And we know this considering she says so.
The lines of consent in "Processed Store" are vivid reddish, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly gummy club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Daughter what nosotros do ...
And where nosotros do ...
The things we do ...
Are just between me and you
No thing how nasty they freak, information technology will be intimate. It will be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll exist a nympho
Sexual compatibility is cardinal to the survival of whatever human relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may accept a high sex drive, simply dude is graciously offer to adjust her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might become the altitude afterward all.
And at the terminate of the day, what is a human relationship simply two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Cheers, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.
It'southward similar it's a race who could get undressed quicker
Once again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally nifty time.
I touch the correct spot at the right time
Of course, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random humbug, but if nosotros're to take him at his give-and-take, "Processed Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Honey to You" — except without all the creepy surprise babe nonsense.
The "Candy Store" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering honey god. He's a practiced partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It'southward dirty. Information technology'due south not your grandmother's love song.
But when you strip away the swagger, the dorsum beat, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photograph by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
And then seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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